High school graduation is a big milestone for students and families. Celebratory events around this milestone, particularly prom, are events most teens look forward to for months. In addition to sharing in your child’s anticipation and excitement, you can help your child prepare for a fun, happy and safe graduation season. Take advantage of opportunities to discuss not only prom attire, but also all prom details including safety issues like transportation, alcohol consumption and all night parties. Talk with your child about their hopes and expectations around these events, but be sure to ask about any apprehensions, concerns or fears.
Here are some ideas for activities and conversations with your child:
Plan Ahead:
- Participate in your teenager’s prom preparations. Go with your teen to choose a dress or tux and flowers. Besides being a great way to spend quality time with your teen, it can also provide a good opportunity to start discussing prom details, such as whether there will be a post-prom party, who will be driving, and so on.
- In the weeks before the prom and graduation parties, set aside time to talk with your teenager about prom and party details and about safety. It’s a good idea to go over all the details of the celebration, from how your teen will get to the prom to exactly where he will be in the hours after it has ended. Talking to your teen ahead of time helps avoid conflicts the night of the event.
- Discuss what limits and guidelines you want to set with your teen. Agree together on rules for the evening. And remember that every person is different. Some teens are more responsible than others — even within the same family. The rules that were appropriate for your daughter two years ago may not be right for your son today. Chances are, if your teen has been responsible and trustworthy in the past, he’ll be responsible and trustworthy on prom night.
- You may choose to adjust some of your family’s rules, especially about curfews, on prom night. You might decide that it’s fine for your child to stay out late as long as she checks in at determined times so you know she is safe.
- Speak with your teen about how you expect him to behave around alcohol and drugs. Don’t assume your teenager knows how you feel about drinking alcohol and using drugs. State your views clearly. Remind your teen that underage drinking is illegal, and that possession of drugs is illegal.
- When your teenager decides to head out to a celebration, be sure that he has safe transportation for the entire evening. If she’s driving with friends, insist that one of the teens act as a designated driver who promises not to drink any alcohol or use drugs. Offer to provide transportation if needed or perhaps you have an older child who could help out. Make sure arrangements are set ahead of time and make sure your teen knows the back up plan if the designated driver falls through.
- If prom night involves a limousine or party bus, make sure to set advance expectations with the driver and the passengers. Get it in writing – Be sure you have a contract with the Limousine/Car Service, which includes safety rules. Remind the car service that persons under 21 will use the car, and that NO ALCOHOL should be in the vehicle at the time of pick up as well as during the course of the rental period.
- Decide if you want to revisit discussions you’ve had in the past about sex and about risky behaviors. This can be a good time to make sure that these conversations are up to date. Remind your teenager to try to avoid situations that could lead to trouble, but let her know she can always call home for help.
- Talk with your teen about peer pressure. Many teenagers view the prom or other milestones as a night without boundaries — a perception that can lead to unsafe behavior. Remind your teen that it’s important to stay true to his own values and choices and that it is okay to say no to his friends if he feels what they are doing is risky or wrong.
- Understand the crowd. Talk to your teen about their date or the friends they will be going with. Ask for details about pre or post prom or graduation parties, or even offer to host one yourself. The photo opportunities afforded by these occasions can be a great conversation starter. If a party is being hosted elsewhere, get together with that parent and offer to participate in the planning. If you don’t know the family, ask your teen for a contact number so that you can say hello, confirm details and offer assistance. These gestures can start a dialogue about the party including what adults will be present and what activities are planned for the night.
On the night of the event:
- Review the specifics of where your teen will be for the entire evening. Remind your teen to call home or text if there is any change in plans. This includes even small changes, such as picking up an additional friend on the way to the postprom party.
- Remind your teen of the plan in case he runs into trouble or finds himself in an uncomfortable situation.. Make sure she knows who is available to call for advice or to be picked up, regardless of the time.
- Make sure food is available before your teen heads out the door. Remind your teen to make good decisions, poor choices can impact personal health and safety as well as future plans.
- Stress that under no circumstances should she get into a car with a driver who has been drinking or using drugs. Even if your teenager will be driving or will be riding with someone who has agreed not to drink or take drugs, it is important to reiterate the necessity of driving defensively, especially late at night and on prom night.
- If a limousine or car service is involved, speak to the driver directly about an alcohol/drug free ride; ask to inspect the car and its trunk to be sure that alcohol and drugs are not present. Tell the driver you do not want any stops made on the way to the prom. Provide an emergency contact name and phone number to the driver and make sure to get a cell phone number from the driver.
- Try to stay awake until your teen returns home from the prom. That way, you’ll be available in case of something unexpected. If your teen has arranged to spend the night elsewhere, make sure you have confirmed the details and ask your teen to call or text you when they have reached their final destination.